Skip to main content

The gift of negative emotions

A day or two after my birthday, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. In all honesty, I had nothing to be sad about. Granted there could've easily been something to be sad about at the time and I could have found it had I dug deeper but the truth is, even the happiest person on earth can easily find an aspect of their life to be sad about. So the point I am trying to make is that I am positive that what I was going through was simply random and not tied to anything going on in my life. When I got home I was feeling a lot better, and that's when it dawned on me that I hadn't felt sad (or at least that sad) in over a year. 

A funny thing happened after that realisation for I found myself a little grateful for that episode. Granted that could've been because I am a glass-half-full kind of person but it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, I needed that to realise and appreciate that I had been happy all this time. It's twisted I know but if happiness is all you have felt then your happiness becomes your norm and consequently turns to neutrality. This reminds me of the scene in How I Met Your Mother where Barney wanted to make all nights legendary and Ted explained to him that if you make all nights legendary, then no nights are legendary. 

I remember the first time I made myself an omelette au fromage. I am not sure if it was the simplicity of the recipe that lowered my expectations but when I first had that first bite I could not believe that that mouth-watering dish came out of my very own early 90's style kitchen. It was so good I had it for brunch regularly for the next 3 weeks, and in that period, something funny happened. It didn't taste as amazing anymore. Don't get me wrong it was still good, but it wasn't the same, and I have envied anyone who had the pleasure of tasting it for the first time and those I have served it to sporadically. Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that maybe I would have been able to preserve the utility I got from the dish by having a classic breakfast with baked beans, mushrooms, or eggs.

Bringing it back to the point I was making, we live through some of life's greatest emotions, but the pleasure passes us by because these emotions have been such a regular part of our lives we barely notice them. This is where the gift of negative emotions comes in, for it is because of sorrow we appreciate joy. We appreciate health because of illness, triumph because of defeat, success because of failure, courage because of fear, calmness because of anger, affluence because of poverty, fun because of boredom, flavour because of tastelessness, acceptance because of rejection, companionship because of loneliness, ease because of difficulty, pleasure because of pain, and many more.

This reminds me of that scene in Pixar's Inside Out where Joy finally realised that one of Riley's happy memories came as a result of her sadness after losing the hockey game. This particular scene reminded me of the time got a second class pass in class 7 due to a 2 in Sesotho. I remember crying in my bedroom and my mom coming to console me at a time I thought she would be disappointed. The funny thing is I barely remember any of the awards I received in class 7 (which were accompanied by happy memories of course), but I remember the events of that fateful day in 2005 when I felt at my lowest. I am convinced that for the first time after that incident, I had a better appreciation of academic excellence.

In conclusion, I am not saying that we need to struggle for us to enjoy life, because God knows I hate the concept of romanticising suffering. I am just saying when that negative emotion comes, feel it and deal with it in your unique way. Once you are done, smile a little and view the incident as life's way of reminding you of the joys it has blessed you with.

Popular posts from this blog

Healthy relationships

NB: I know I explained this before in my introductory blog, but I feel the need to reiterate for this specific publication lest the reader starts making assumptions. This was written over 5 months ago and therefore isn't a reflection of what I am going through at the moment. It could be my growth/evolution in the past 6 months but reading this now, I must say it sounds cheesy as hell 😂😂😂. Anyway, here goes... Hello, healthy relationships my old friend. I didn't know you were coming. You do know that you could've warned me first right, or were you afraid I'd run away from you like last time? Look who has trust issues now 😏 Now that you're here, your last visit just came to mind. I mean, it was pretty memorable after all. How can I forget the feeling that comes with knowing where I stand with someone from the get-go? How can I forget being considered in my partner's plans (whether involved or not)? How can I forget never having to guess what was going on in my...

Dear Future Lover

I look forward to texting you back and forth sharing our big wins, venting about work, exchanging memes, and learning the minute details of your day which may be trivial but signify a willingness to make me a part of every aspect of your life.  I look forward to thr memories we're going to capture, the date night pictures and boomerangs, the documented weekend aways, the video snippets of me kissing you on the cheek, and the activity date content. More importantly, I look forward to the moments we're going to be so immersed in that we'll forget to capture. I look forward to the day I go out of my way to accommodate you in my space. Whether in the form of allocating you a shelf in my bedroom cupboard, setting up an additional work from home station, or stocking up my fridge with lactose-free milk and/or gluten-free bread. I look forward to the excitement of planning your birthday and the pressure of making each year better than the last. In the same breath, I look forward to...

Take a relationship break, they said

I don't mean to state the obvious but we all know that a small break is one of the greatest things you can do after a relationship ends. I could list the countless benefits like how you get back the parts of yourself that you had forgotten or the healing necessary before you get into the next relationship but we're all familiar with them so that won't be my focus. Instead, I am wondering whether there comes a point where the break does you more harm than good. As someone who tends to take long breaks in between relationships, I am beginning to realise that maybe, just maybe, a long break could reverse your healing. We are social creatures who were never meant to do this life thing alone, and that's why companionship (not only romantic) ranks so high among our emotional needs. I guess it was this realisation that birthed the phrase "you cannot self-love or self-care your way out of the desire for companionship". Ever watch a movie on a Saturday night and found ...