Take a relationship break, they said

I don't mean to state the obvious but we all know that a small break is one of the greatest things you can do after a relationship ends. I could list the countless benefits like how you get back the parts of yourself that you had forgotten or the healing necessary before you get into the next relationship but we're all familiar with them so that won't be my focus. Instead, I am wondering whether there comes a point where the break does you more harm than good.

As someone who tends to take long breaks in between relationships, I am beginning to realise that maybe, just maybe, a long break could reverse your healing. We are social creatures who were never meant to do this life thing alone, and that's why companionship (not only romantic) ranks so high among our emotional needs. I guess it was this realisation that birthed the phrase "you cannot self-love or self-care your way out of the desire for companionship".

Ever watch a movie on a Saturday night and found yourself reminiscing of the time you begrudgingly watched a rom-com chosen by an ex, or sat at a restaurant enjoying your pasta and had flashbacks of the dinners you shared at the place with your once favourite person. Of course, these are bound to happen but surely they should happen less frequently with time and not more. I mean there is no reason you should find yourself not listening to that amazing song 6 months down the line all because you shared it with someone in your past. But sadly, it happens and I have a theory why. Memories.

One thing taking a break will do is rob you of the opportunity to create new memories. Put simply, you cannot (or at least you shouldn't) remember a Saturday movie night from a year ago when you had one last week. Just as your mind will put aside the memory of the time you once shared ribs with an ex in that same restaurant, to allow you to immerse yourself in the moment and enjoy your date as you both share stories while you eat off each other's plates. Let's not forget those sloppy rounds that make you forget that you ever shared a bed with anyone but the person resting on your chest 😂😂😂.

This also speaks to the stuff we avoid out of fear of being triggered. The song you don't listen to anymore, the place you constantly avoid, the plans you always reject, and so on. Maybe what you need to do for a change is share them with someone else. I guess what I'm saying is, time off has done its part. In fact, that break you took probably did what it needed to do within the first month. 

Now it's time to let in new memories to replace the old.