Skip to main content

Dating for marriage

Dating having to lead marriage was a hot topic and I thought I'd share something that has been on my mind in the past few weeks on the matter.

I'll be honest, I started having some of the most amazing, healthy relationships the day I decided to stop 'dating for marriage'. That decision was one of the most liberating I've ever made because it gave me the freedom to date the people who made me happy, with everything else coming second.

I know that most people avoid such relationships and I think it's because they pre-judge them and assume that they will end. This fear of endings is what I find interesting though because life is but a series of endings.

High school, varsity life, your first job, relationships, friendships, etc. All of them end at some point. Even life itself has an inevitable end and yet that has never stopped us from living as though we have unlimited time on this planet.

This reminds me of the time when Ricky, in After Life, asked “If you're watching a movie, and you are really enjoying it … and someone points out that it'll end eventually … would you just turn it off?”

Vision, in Age of Ultron, captured it so beautifully when he said “a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts”. I know for sure that the knowledge that a kiss from my crush will not last forever wouldn't deter me from going through with it.

And yet somehow we have reduced the beauty of relationships to whether or not they last, and not how amazing they were while we were in them. As a result, we chase longevity over the experience.

Now you ask yourself how many amazing people and great experiences did you miss out on because you wrote off some people without even giving them a chance.

What if in your avoidance of people who are overly lax about their spending you missed out on holidays because the person you would date long term o bona Honda Fit ha motho a ts'oere iPhone. What if in your avoidance of people who go out a lot you missed out on kind-hearted and successful people who just love to have a good time with their friends. What if in your avoidance of people with kids you missed out on a wholesome gent/hun.

Take it from me, if you think breaking up with someone after you've only been seeing them for a short period is painful and time-consuming then, believe me, a break up from a long-term relationship that was ‘marriage bound’ is soul-crushing.

The advantages are vast but to name a few, I have received some of the most thoughtful gifts in the past year, I have grown more in the past 2 years than I have in the years prior, I have gone on some great adventures, and if you feel like laughing a bit, received my first nude at 28.

Another great thing about abandoning the ‘dating for marriage’ cult is that it will release you from going back to toxic exes who 'fit' the criteria for a long-term relationship. More importantly, it is a great tool for letting go of that crush you are hung up on/keep pursuing because of the family fantasy you keep playing in your mind.

Don't get me wrong, having a family of your own is one of the most amazing things in the world and coming from a healthy family myself, I wish it for everyone who aspires to have one.

Popular posts from this blog

Healthy relationships

NB: I know I explained this before in my introductory blog, but I feel the need to reiterate for this specific publication lest the reader starts making assumptions. This was written over 5 months ago and therefore isn't a reflection of what I am going through at the moment. It could be my growth/evolution in the past 6 months but reading this now, I must say it sounds cheesy as hell 😂😂😂. Anyway, here goes... Hello, healthy relationships my old friend. I didn't know you were coming. You do know that you could've warned me first right, or were you afraid I'd run away from you like last time? Look who has trust issues now 😏 Now that you're here, your last visit just came to mind. I mean, it was pretty memorable after all. How can I forget the feeling that comes with knowing where I stand with someone from the get-go? How can I forget being considered in my partner's plans (whether involved or not)? How can I forget never having to guess what was going on in my...
Read more

Dear Future Lover

I look forward to texting you back and forth sharing our big wins, venting about work, exchanging memes, and learning the minute details of your day which may be trivial but signify a willingness to make me a part of every aspect of your life.  I look forward to thr memories we're going to capture, the date night pictures and boomerangs, the documented weekend aways, the video snippets of me kissing you on the cheek, and the activity date content. More importantly, I look forward to the moments we're going to be so immersed in that we'll forget to capture. I look forward to the day I go out of my way to accommodate you in my space. Whether in the form of allocating you a shelf in my bedroom cupboard, setting up an additional work from home station, or stocking up my fridge with lactose-free milk and/or gluten-free bread. I look forward to the excitement of planning your birthday and the pressure of making each year better than the last. In the same breath, I look forward to...
2 comments
Read more

Take a relationship break, they said

I don't mean to state the obvious but we all know that a small break is one of the greatest things you can do after a relationship ends. I could list the countless benefits like how you get back the parts of yourself that you had forgotten or the healing necessary before you get into the next relationship but we're all familiar with them so that won't be my focus. Instead, I am wondering whether there comes a point where the break does you more harm than good. As someone who tends to take long breaks in between relationships, I am beginning to realise that maybe, just maybe, a long break could reverse your healing. We are social creatures who were never meant to do this life thing alone, and that's why companionship (not only romantic) ranks so high among our emotional needs. I guess it was this realisation that birthed the phrase "you cannot self-love or self-care your way out of the desire for companionship". Ever watch a movie on a Saturday night and found ...
Post a Comment
Read more